It’s been too hot to do much this weekend which is just as well as E hasn’t been feeling well. I have no idea what the matter is but I’m guessing she may have teething issues, bottom wind issues and a cold. I think she’s been running a temperature but it’s hard to tell in this heat. The fact that she’s also been very clingy and wants cuddles from us doesn’t help regulate her body heat. But yes, I think she’s got a temperature.
There’s nothing worse to make you feel powerless than a poorly baby. Especially since she’s been grizzly even as she clings to you for a cuddle. And so sleepy! The poor thing was using my leg as a pillow even as I tried to sit her up for a while. Lots of naps and cuddles today. The nice thing has been that we’ve also managed to read all her library books and more as we sat together on the sofa. Eat Your Peas and Fergus the Sea Dog are particular favourites today.
I’m having a slight paranoid moment. The problem is that with E being ill and asleep on my chest I read the paper for a change. The Guardian had an article about child abusers being allowed to roam free in schools because other teachers were nervous about reporting them. The main victim in the story had the same name as E, same spelling and everything. Even if it was a pseudonym (I assume it was) it’s freaky reading about it. That was followed by a “What I’m really thinking” by a lifeguard on a beach who says parents are much too lax and don’t realise the danger their children, especially toddlers, are in. The fact that we live in the most landlocked city in England doesn’t alleviate my worries.
I always figured that losing a baby before E was the reason I’m so scared of things happening to her. But it can’t be just that, can it – I’m sure this is pretty common to all parents. Just after E was born I read a heartbreaking graphic novel about a man whose two year old had died in the night. It was a devastating read and I think about it at least once a week. These days I don’t have the nightmares about her suffocating that I had for the first three months of her life and yet the worries remain.
I should stress that I don’t usually read articles or books about dead children. I actively avoid Take a Break magazine and misery memoirs. But sometimes they just find you. The number of articles about dead babies in The Guardian’s family pages is ridiculously high. Though I haven’t done an academic study in it, it might be in proportion to other subjects for all I know. And yet we really should talk about things like this if only to make people feel less alone.
Anyway, panic over. E will be fine. She hasn’t been put off her food so I’m not too concerned. Really. And although I hate her being ill (for obvious reasons) because of how useless it makes me feel (I’m sure ‘proper’ parents have more of a clue and do more than just tip Calpol down their babies) I also like how she finds comfort in cuddling me. It’s been a good weekend in that respect – a snoozy child, a comfy chair and Test Match Special on the radio. But I’ll prefer next weekend’s TMS if it’s the soundtrack to me rushing round the house with a small girl who won’t keep still.