The doctor has just phoned. I’ve been on the waiting list to have a coil fitted. Could she talk me through what’s involved? Why yes.
10 minutes later, appointment made, I finish squirming. I remember them telling us about the coil in sex ed class at school. None of them mentioned this.
I’ve decided to go on the coil because, apart from the pregnancy and post-birth time, I’ve been on the pill since I was 24. Already far too long than recommended but since the alternatives they offered me were the implant (no f*%$ing way) or the injection (see pregnancy blog for my reaction to needles) I stayed with good old Microgynon. But I’m too old for the combined pill now, didn’t like the one they gave me after E’s birth and am worried by hormones. Although it turns out the coil also has hormones in it – so there’s the first thing I didn’t know.
The doc started off by saying the appointment would last for half an hour and they recommended that I take painkillers an hour beforehand. So that bodes well. The appointment will start off by them examining me “down there.” Her words. A doctor. “Down there.” Seriously, I’ve had a miscarriage, a pre-birth sweep, labour, an episiotomy, stitches and several smear tests, I can handle you using medical terminology.
The painkillers are to supplement the anaesthetic they give me as they put a clamp on the wall of the womb. It sounds like a torture technique. Unconsciously I cross my legs. Then there is insertion. For one in 200 women, this isn’t successful and it falls out. So you have a follow up appointment six weeks later to make sure it’s still in. There are threads that stick out of your womb that I may be able to feel if I’m examining myself, and “my partner” may also be able to feel them. She refrained from saying “with his penis” but that’s clearly what she meant. That prompted a conversation about whether I actually had a partner and how long we’d been together. Over 10 years means that they can skip the bit where they test me for STDs as sometimes the diseases can cause problems with the coil. As well as everything else.
That was the last bit of good news. She then elaborated on the unlikely possibility of the coil puncturing the womb – this is “rare but serious.” No shit. My legs are now clamped together. Do I have any questions?
Apparently it’s easier if I relax during the procedure. *snorts*
I have the appointment booked for 2 weeks time. Wish me luck.