Top trumps

One of the most common ideas about bringing up a girl as opposed to a boy is that boys are supposed to be the ones who find talking about bodily functions really funny. Everyone knows boys find scatological jokes funny, they glory in smells, right? Being the mother of a girl, I’m supposed to be spared much of that.

Think again.

If you point something out to E or show her a picture at the moment, you can pretty much guarantee that her response will be to express interest and then to ask, “Can you hear it trumping?” If you say no, then she follows this up with the question, “Do they trump?” This can apply equally to sunflowers, pictures of turtles, fish, tractors, dinosaurs or sea anemones.

As amusing as she finds this, it’s nothing compared to how hilarious I find it. Which probably isn’t helping. But should I find myself downcast, a quick recap of her asking, “Can you hear them trumping?” is guaranteed to make me giggle.

Of course, there is a downside to this. She has no worries about then talking to everyone about bottom burps and asking if they’ve done them or by relating fictional farts to all and sundry. The other morning at the dining table she announced, “Mummy did a massive trump yesterday.” Like the old school rule, ‘those who smelt it dealt it’, there is no way of dealing with this adequately. If you strenuously deny it, everyone just smiles and thinks “yeah, whatever,” knowing perfectly well that E often accompanies me to the toilet and it could feasibly have occurred. Which leaves you with the option of admitting it – which I didn’t want to do as in this case it was a fictional fart.

I imagine there are probably guidelines somewhere about how to talk to children about these matters but I can’t be bothered to find them. Any tips welcome but for now, I shall just find this yet another thing she does that make me laugh.

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